beyond regret

Renée Antrosio – March 14, 2023 1 Comment

The amount of things that I don’t know is sometimes staggering. Practical stuff about vehicles, finances, and health. So much maintenance required! We don’t know what we don’t know. The list of things I should be doing can keep me awake at night, let alone the things that I didn’t know I should have been doing, that never made the list! 

Then Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Should I forgive as many as seven times?” Matthew 18:21 (CEB)

Forgiveness is such a big concept that it sometimes overwhelms my ability to think about it. And sins. Of omission and commission. What does it mean to forgive myself for things I did or didn’t do? Is the real issue accepting forgiveness, truly receiving it, in order to let go of guilt? And how does that affect my ability to extend forgiveness to my brother or sister? 

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matt. 5:48 (NIV)

I have a feeling that I misunderstood what Jesus meant. Perhaps this translation- or at least the way I heard it in the context of my personality, birth order, and family culture- was not a helpful teaching to incorporate into my subconscious. I tend to have exacting standards for myself, which I never quite meet. How does this affect the standards I have for others? If I can’t live up to my own requirements, how could anyone else? Turns out, perfectionism doesn’t work out that well for me, or my loved ones, or our family of faith. 

Therefore, just as your heavenly Father is complete in showing love to everyone, so also you must be complete. Matt. 5:48 (CEB)

Whoa, this seems totally different. Showing love completely sounds more like forgiveness, for ourselves and others. Can I rest in knowing that my heavenly Father demonstrates a complete love, eagerly forgiving me for the many things I have done and not done and didn’t know I was supposed to do or not do?  Receiving that love, and release from guilt and regret, then extending that love to those around me. 

Jesus said, “Not just seven times, but rather as many as seventy-seven times. Matt. 18:22 (CEB)

It seems no accident that it is Peter asking about forgiveness. Peter, bless his heart, is thinking about how others wrong him and how he can be overly gracious to forgive them multiple times. Our author Matthew seems to be foreshadowing here. Peter does not know yet how much he will need his best friend’s forgiveness, from the Lord he loves, for denying their relationship. 

Then he cursed and swore, “I don’t know the man!” At that very moment the rooster crowed. Peter remembered Jesus’ words, “Before the rooster crows you will deny me three times.”And Peter went out and cried uncontrollably. Matt. 26:74-75 (CEB)

How does one recover from this and not beat oneself up with guilt day after day? Receiving forgiveness, trusting in love given and requited, is key. Jesus demonstrates to Peter, through words and actions, the necessity of giving and receiving forgiveness for ourselves and others. This radical embrace of forgiveness allows us to move forward, not dwelling on our past sins and regrets. If Peter was able to accept forgiveness for denying the Lord, can I not accept forgiveness for my own failures?

May we trust the complete love of our God. May we receive forgiveness, showcased by our divine Parent, demonstrated through Jesus. May we be released from guilt and regret to step forward into love and forgiveness for ourselves and others. -Renée