numbering our days

Renée Antrosio – May 9, 2023 1 Comment

When we know an experience is coming to an end, there is a sense of urgency. Soak it up. Heightened awareness. The final days of a vacation, semester abroad, time with loved ones. Other seasons, we don’t know what we are about to lose (or gain.) Only in hindsight do we recognize those last days of being together in ordinary time. 

Yesterday, I had the Monday blues. Gray clouds and rain. I was struggling. It happens sometimes. I checked in with my body- no real pain. I could take my grumpy self to the gym- a luxury not always possible. I am thankful for my current health. It is not to be taken for granted. 

In the fourteenth chapter of John’s gospel, I hear a sense of urgency. Their time together is coming to an end. Jesus is looking death in the face, and the disciples are frightened of the future. 

“Peace I leave with you,
my peace I give to you.
Not as the world gives
do I give it to you.
Do not let your hearts be troubled;
be not afraid.
John 14:27 (NCB)

I think of friends who have seen their time on earth coming to an end, and the ways they have prepared. Conversations with loved ones, celebrations of life. I do not understand the why’s or the suffering. Like the disciples, our hearts are troubled, and we are afraid. And in that moment, Jesus saw his own suffering ahead, and knew a peace that he wanted to share, to give, to leave.

“You have heard me say to you,
‘I am going away,
and I will come back to you.’
If you loved me,
you would rejoice
that I am going to the Father,
for the Father is greater than I. 
John 14:28 (NCB)

Jesus extends the promise of reunification- with himself and with the Father- a joy set before them. Meanwhile, the disciples will have lives to live, good news to share. Their days on earth will also be numbered. As are ours, though the number is unknown. 

Yesterday, I was buoyed by a walk with a friend, sunshine replacing the promised rain. Someone showed up at the church building looking for me, and I was able to listen and perhaps help. I was grateful to be here. The gift of presence is precious. I don’t want to squander it. 

May we receive the shalom that Jesus shares. May we feel Jesus’ presence in our fears, and give to him our troubled hearts. And may we glimpse the joy of reunification, as we love and are loved. –Renée

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps. 90:12 (NIV)