paying attention

Renée Antrosio – October 24, 2023 2 Comments

Bad news, Good news, Details: a different way of thinking about communication. On a personal level, as your pastor, the bad news is that I, too, sometimes doubt. I second-guess myself, my mouth gets dry, I stumble over my words. I want to serve you well. To always feel like I hear God’s message and communicate it clearly. But that is a feeling that comes and goes. I am not always confidently competent. And I am not alone. Sunday afternoon, I opened my Christian Meditation text, longing to experience the presence of God.

What is perplexing about our fear-based self-doubts is that at some level we know better. We believe the Good News of our faith- that we are wholly loved and one with God, right here and now, in this present moment, just as we are. We know by faith that all our ups and downs are shot clean through with the grace that has sustained us up until now. (p. 218)

What timely words through James Finley! I, too, am perplexed by these self-doubts. Because I know at some level that I am wholly loved, called by name, and sustained by grace. So God gives us companions with words of insight to remind us that these ups and downs are universal, while God’s faithfulness to us remains. And that we cannot depend on our feelings of whether we have enough faith. In Living the Message‘s Oct 23 devotional, Eugene Peterson reminds us that faith is not a feeling:

Faith has to do with what God is doing, not with what we are feeling. When I start measuring my faith, I’m doing it from my point of view- and I’m always looking at the wrong things. If instead I try to simply be attentive to what God is doing, I become more and more aware…. Jesus said that God gives the Spirit without measure (John 3:34)…. There’s immensity here, extravagance- but I never get that picture if I’m measuring things from my side. (p. 292-3)

The good news is that God does not depend on my faith or my feelings. When the feeling fails us, we are beckoned to pay attention. Finley directs us to the right here and now, this present moment. The illumination of the golden maple leaves. The breath of life within us. Peterson encourages us to be attentive, to become more and more aware. I am practicing. Being quiet. Noticing. These resonate with the Mary Oliver poem shared with me this week.

Instructions for living a life
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.

These are the details. An encouragement for this present moment. Attentiveness and astonishment. Whether today you are feeling full of faith or are experiencing the ups and downs of doubt, you are not alone. This is the journey we walk together. God is in the details, in the stillness of this moment. May we notice, may we experience awe, and may we tell each other about it.  -Renée