Jesus who I love but sometimes do not like

Ron Simkins – March 24, 2026 6 Comments

Renée’s wonderful and challenging teaching yesterday started me thinking about a reality that I visit and revisit periodically. I dearly love Jesus, but there are times when I don’t particularly like him for a while. I take some comfort in the fact that this seems to have been just as true for his early disciples—even for, perhaps especially for, those closest to him. 

Before looking at a few examples from the Gospels and Acts, I want to acknowledge one of the very precious ways God prepared me to understand that this experience is not only alright, it is important to acknowledge.

When I was 20 years old, a friend asked me why I was choosing to quit dating other young women—he gave me several reasons why he thought I should not make this choice—and instead to wait to see if Donna would choose me. My answer was simple—“She is the first person I have ever known who is honest with me! Who she appears to be is who she is. I am blown away by her.” After 56 years of marriage, that was still one of the most amazing things about the woman that I grew to love and trust more and more as the years went by.

However—saw that coming didn’t you?—there were days when I didn’t like that wonderful woman very much precisely because she continued to be so honest with me. Sometimes my frustration was with her honesty about how I was treating her; sometimes about how I was treating one of our children; sometimes about how I was relating to someone else; sometimes about how I had been wasteful of time or resources; sometimes it was because I wouldn’t quit trying to solve her problem and just be with her and listen to her. And, sometimes at those moments I didn’t like this woman that I loved very much—for a while. 

I have pretty much the same experiences in my relationship with Jesus. 

Sometimes, it is because Jesus doesn’t show up in the way I expect when I feel like I need him most as occurs in John 11. This chapter begins with Jesus’ totally frustrating his disciples. But that is a minor frustration compared to how deeply he disappointed the family that hosted him regularly and loved him dearly. Martha and Mary watch their brother dying day by day as they wait expectantly for Jesus to come, or at least to send a message saying why he is being delayed. They need him so desperately—right now! They know Jesus could save Lazarus from dying, but he just doesn’t show up. No explanation! Then when he does finally does show up, it is too late. To make matters worse, Jesus explains himself with a rather brutal honesty that had to hurt deeply. He says he didn’t come because he knew that God had other plans. They just need to trust him. If we stop the narrative right here, I am quite sure that at that moment Martha and Mary were not finding Jesus very likeable even though he was their very dear friend. They love him, but at the moment they don’t like him very much.

Sometimes, I don’t like the Jesus I love, because I experience something similar to Peter’s experience recorded in Matthew 16. Like Peter, I have just made a major step forward in my trust in Jesus and publicly put myself out there by showing my faith in Jesus—“you are God’s Anointed One.” Jesus responds positively, and I am thrilled. But, then as I prepare to bask in the glow, Jesus pushes for another growth step in my journey. I don’t understand it; and I don’t think Jesus can possibly mean what it sounds like he is saying. I tell him so by my response. He reprimands me in front of others—perhaps through another of his followers. Being told that at this moment I am being more a tool of the “adversary/satan” than a friend of Jesus is humiliating! I like being right. I like being the first. And, I don’t like being wrong—especially not in front of others. At that moment, I don’t like this Jesus that I love very much.

Sometimes, I don’t like how matter-of-factly Jesus tells me that it is going to cost me a lot at times if I choose to trust him daily and to act on that trust. It will mean having to daily make choices that involve choosing values that the culture around me does not value in the same way. The culture will often “shame” me for making those choices as a daily way of living (Luke 9:23-27). Sometimes even those in my closer circles may think I have it all wrong and tell me so in no uncertain terms (Matthew 10:35-59). How can Jesus be so matter-of-fact about inviting me to join him in these hurting moments? I don’t like him very much at those moments, but where else would I go to find the love he has shown me in life?

And, then there are those times when I am certain that Jesus is just as unhappy with how people are treating him, and treating those of us who are their fellow humans, as we are. I am pretty sure that he is actually more unhappy than I am. But I find his honest response to the situation to be frustrating. Like James and John, I don’t see why he won’t condone just destroying these hurtful people immediately. It is what I feel like doing. I don’t like it when he makes it clear that he just isn’t going to do it that way, and he doesn’t want me to do it that way either (Luke 9:51-56).  Or, like Ananias, I tell Jesus that he must not understand that this person is a danger to all the people who are trying to follow Jesus, and I don’t want anything to do with him. Only to have Jesus respond that if this person I really don’t like chooses to follow him, he has plans for him—whether I like it or not (Acts 9). 

Of course, everything I have just said about my relationship with Jesus, I could also have said about my relationship with “the God and Father of our Lord Jesus the Messiah” (Ephesians 1:3, 17) who Jesus “images” so fully. I love being loved by them. I love them. But somedays I don’t like either of them very much.

And, hopefully always, just as I did with Donna, I will get over myself, and learn yet again that it is that very honesty that makes my relationship with God and with God’s son Jesus so special and such a source of growth.

(PS. I have not forgotten that I intended to follow up on the importance of feeling free to question God. I still intend to return to that topic that I began the last time I wrote for the pastoral blog. Actually, this topic very much fits that theme in a kind of sideways manner, doesn’t it?)

-Ron Simkins, NCF Pastor Emeritus