conversations with Jesus
My hungriest time of day is 4:30pm, my favorite snack hour. Think shishito peppers blistered and well-salted. Sardines on roasted tomato Triscuits. Hummus with pita chips. A soft runny Brie spread on butterfly crackers. I love food, I love variety, and I love eating with friends.
When I am responsible for events, making sure people are well-fed is a high priority. So when yesterday’s Pray As You Go meditation invited us to imagine ourselves into the feeding of the 5,000+ (on which Melissa just gave a great teaching!), I felt the disciples’ anxiety. It was getting late. People were getting hungry. The disciples were tired and starting to worry. Jesus didn’t seem to know what time it was. When they chose a deserted place to mourn the beheading of John the Baptist, they weren’t planning on providing dinner to the crowd who showed up uninvited.
That evening his disciples came and said to him, “This is an isolated place and it’s getting late. Send the crowds away so they can go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” Matthew 14:15 (CEB)
Do we also give Jesus practical advice? Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t grasp the reality of the situation. In case you hadn’t noticed, Jesus, we are out here in the middle of nowhere. People need to leave now to buy food before the shops close. It’s going to be dark soon. Help people feed themselves by giving them permission to leave. I imagine the disciples whispering together, some of us growing more anxious and hungry as the sun descended. You tell him. Somebody has to tell him. He got so caught up in the healing and preaching that he lost track of time. Remind him that people need to eat.
I wonder how often I explain to Jesus how it is. Here is the situation. This is the solution. Help us get from here to there. Please get on board with the logical resolution to this problem. Or. Perhaps more frequently, we figure out what needs to be done and start doing it. Without telling, or asking, Jesus at all. The disciples didn’t ask Jesus what to do; they told him. They were doing everyone a favor to spell it out and get going.
But Jesus said to them, “There’s no need to send them away. You give them something to eat.” Matthew 14:16 (CEB)
No, you do it. What a challenging response. Jesus did not offer to feed the people. He did not disclose his solution. He put the ball back in their court. Do we hear this from Jesus sometimes? We ask him to do something, perhaps something pretty specific, and instead he counters, “You do it,” in a situation where we know we are insufficiently prepared, don’t have enough resources, and can’t imagine how we could complete the task.
They replied, “We have nothing here except five loaves of bread and two fish.” Matthew 14:17 (CEB)
We have nothing. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to give. I can’t meet this need. See, there are just these piddly little items; see how small they are, how insufficient to the situation. I don’t think this was a statement of faith, the disciples boldly offering what they had for Jesus to multiply. Rather, they were telling Jesus how very little, how much nothing, they had. I tell Jesus, “I’m not an event planner. I don’t like crowds. I’m not good with new people. I can’t do small talk. I’m not one of those charismatic leaders or inspirational speakers.”
He said, “Bring them here to me.” He ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. He took the five loaves of bread and the two fish, looked up to heaven, blessed them and broke the loaves apart and gave them to his disciples. Then the disciples gave them to the crowds. Matthew 14:18-19 (CEB)
Jesus had a different solution- provision in partnership with the disciples. He didn’t do it all himself, magically making food appear in front of everyone, dinner materializing suddenly in their hands. Jesus took what nothing they had, blessed it, divided it, and gave it back to the disciples. Then they did the job of distributing it. Maybe while he sat down with a small group to wait with them for their turn. He handed the work back to his disciples. Now,you give them something to eat.
Maybe, instead of me telling Jesus how it is, in case he hadn’t noticed, I could assume he does know, and ask him what the plan might be, instead of advising him on the most logical solution. Perhaps, rather than insisting that I have nothing to give, including examples of my insufficiency, I could offer what little I have in expectation that Jesus will do something. It’s probably time to have that conversation with Jesus directly, and not just talk amongst ourselves.
May we present ourselves, our anxieties, and what little we seem to have, to Jesus. May our trust in God’s provision grow as we spend more time in God’s presence. May we be willing participants in the good works that Jesus invites us into, that we too can experience the joy of feeding and being fed until all are full. -Renée